The following is from drawing hard.com (December 11, 2016.) The text and drawings so accurately describe what it’s like to have premenstrual dysphoric disorder (PMDD), I had to share it. Thank you to Joanie Oliver, the author and artist-extraordinaire, for giving me permission to repost. Enjoy, and be enlightened:
I’m not typically the kind of person who cries uncontrollably, yells or wishes they could cease to exist, but over the past couple of years a monster has grown in me. And, unfortunately, I’m not alone.
Like clockwork, it takes control every month and drains your energy. The person you were yesterday, who could run a few miles, today can barely make it through the aisles of the grocery story. The woman who last week met up for drinks with friends is now on the verge of drowning in fear and sadness.
You fight the first tears that threaten, pray to you’ll find a way to keep them at bay.
But still the dam bursts.
The sadness pours out uncontrollably, until you are completely clouded in.
Where once there was confidence and ambition in you, there now brews a dangerous stew of lethargy, self-loathing and rage. You swear you won’t let the feelings boil over and lash out. You resolve to keep calm and wade through it — but it’s only a matter of time until the monster wins.
Only a matter of time until everything grates on you.
Only a matter of time until there’s little left of the actual you.
The cruel monster has taken over. It knows just where to poke.
It beats you and berates you for days, refusing to let you rest. It wears you down until every bit of life pokes and jabs at your rawness.
You’re not the kind of parent, wife or friend who’d ever scream and rage if you were standing on solid ground, but Hyde has disintegrated all the good in you. And you snap.
But because that damn monster isn’t tangible, the rage lands elsewhere.
Not long after the pressure has been released the monster begins to retreat. Your mind and the skies clear — just in time to see the wreckage you’ve caused.
You’ve screwed up again. Failed to beat the beast. Failed even at being a decent human being.
That monster isn’t just evil though, it’s also smart. Smart enough to back off completely and let you feel normal again. You make amends, become strong enough and well enough to believe it somehow won’t all happen again next month.
Silly you. Silly me. Poor everybody.
This is what life with PMDD (Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder) feels like.
It’s not just PMS.